2 Compliments to Avoid That Might Unintentionally Hurt Your Partner’s Feelings

Revealed: The 2 Compliments You Should Avoid Saying to Your Partner
By Xantha Leatham, Executive Science Editor | Updated: 10:06 BST, 19 July 2025

Compliments like “You look beautiful” or “You’re a great cook” can strengthen relationships—but some well-meaning phrases might backfire. Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers warns that two seemingly harmless compliments can unintentionally harm emotional intimacy and create pressure.

1. “How Are You Always So Calm?”

[Image: A couple having a tense conversation, one partner appearing calm.]

At first glance, this sounds like praise for emotional stability. However, Dr. Travers explains it risks incentivizing emotional suppression. “This phrase rewards silence, not strength,” he says. Partners may feel pressured to maintain a “calm” demeanor even when hurting, leading to unresolved conflicts. Over time, this can erode trust, as one person’s needs are sidelined to avoid rocking the boat.

Why it’s harmful:

• Encourages hiding true emotions to fit an “agreeable” role.
• May signal relief that your partner didn’t react emotionally, sidelining their feelings.

2. “You’re the Only Person I Can Talk To”

[Image: A stressed woman venting to her partner on a couch.]

While meant to express trust, this phrase burdens your partner with sole responsibility for your emotional well-being. Dr. Travers cites research on “emotionships,” which shows that diverse support networks—like friends who offer different types of help—boost mental health more than relying on one person.

Why it’s harmful:

• Creates dependency, straining the relationship.
• Partners may feel guilty setting boundaries, fearing they’ll disappoint you.

The Nickname Trap

Dr. Travers also highlights that pet names like “Babe” or “Sweetheart” can mask deeper issues. These terms might simulate closeness without addressing underlying problems, such as poor communication or avoidance of conflict.

Healthier Alternatives

• Instead of praising calmness, say: “I appreciate how you handle tough situations. Let me know if you ever want to talk.”
• Replace “only person” with: “Your support means so much. I’ll also reach out to friends so we both have space.”

Key Takeaway: Authentic communication and shared emotional responsibility foster stronger bonds than hollow praise.

[Image: A happy couple laughing together outdoors.]

By avoiding these subtle pitfalls, you can build a relationship where both partners feel seen and supported.