Study Finds Strict Parenting More Effective Than Gentle Methods for Child Success

Gentle Parenting vs. Authoritative Parenting: What’s Best for Kids?

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, but experts warn boundaries matter (file photo).

Gentle parenting, a trend popularized by millennial and Gen Z parents, promotes calm communication over discipline, avoiding shouting or using “no.” Celebrities like Mindy Kaling and Alanis Morissette endorse it, focusing on empathy and understanding. However, a new study suggests that a more authoritative approach—combining warmth with clear rules—boosts children’s academic success.

Researchers at the National Centre for Social Research analyzed data from nearly 6,000 children in England over a decade. They found that kids with authoritative parents, who set boundaries and enforce consequences, performed better in reading, writing, and math by age 11 compared to those raised with gentler methods.

Why Boundaries Matter
Authoritative parenting blends emotional support with firm limits. The study linked this style to higher achievement in primary school, especially by Key Stage 1 (ages 5–7). In contrast, gentle parenting avoids punishment, aiming to coach children through dialogue. Critics argue this can lead to entitled behavior.

Alanis Morissette (left) and Mindy Kaling (right) advocate gentle parenting.

Dr. Karen Estrella, a pediatrician, describes gentle parenting as “being a coach, not a punisher.” But Katharine Birbalsingh, dubbed Britain’s strictest headteacher, argues it undermines parental authority: “Parents feel they’re not in charge,” she says.

Study Insights
The research tracked children from age 2 through primary school, using teacher surveys and academic records. Authoritative parenting consistently correlated with better test scores. While gentle parenting fosters self-awareness, experts speculate that without boundaries, children may struggle with classroom structure.

Authoritative parenting blends rules with warmth (file photo).

Psychologist Vivien Hill notes schools require compliance: “Teachers can’t negotiate with 30 kids.” Meanwhile, gentle parenting advocate Sarah Ockwell-Smith insists the approach creates “calmer, happier children” through emotional validation.

Balancing Acts
The debate highlights parenting’s complexities. While strictness aids academics, empathy remains vital. A related study even suggests stressed fathers might contribute to toddlers’ behavioral issues, underscoring how parental well-being shapes development.

Katharine Birbalsingh criticizes gentle parenting as infantilizing.

In the end, blending empathy with clear expectations might offer the best path—proving that parenting is less about trends and more about adaptable, mindful guidance.